I Write About Sex – Just Not Here
My mother and aunt are a little horrified.
Former colleagues are uncomfortable – thankfully we no longer attend meetings together so need to avoid eye contact at the coffee station.
Friends, old and new, some who surprised me, in my generation are like, “Yessssssssss.”
All because I write about sex and then share those writings on social media. Not often. Not in intimate detail. Hell, I don’t even use all the words I know (and prefer) for certain acts or body parts.
I went through a bit of a sexual revolution a few years ago. Topics that weren’t discussed at all when I was a child were left up to my imagination, romance novels, and sad fumblings in darkened rooms. Until I hit my 30s and decided I’d rather feel good than feel repressed.
Sex is natural, sometimes beautiful, sometimes hilarious, and with the right person, damn good. But it’s this thing we don’t talk about.
Part of that is understandable. I am a grown woman with two children and a loving, long-term relationship that may or may not end in marriage (but we certainly don’t sleep in separate beds) – and I am incapable of discussing sex with my own mother. It’s this thing we both know about – and had to rediscover in new relationships – but we’re definitely not discussing it. Ever.
Part of it is confusing. Our unwillingness to discuss sex means we demonize sexual activity we don’t understand. We allow people in places of authority to dictate what kind of sex and how much of it is okay. We allow schools to teach our children misinformation about sex because we’re not comfortable discussing it with them.
I made a promise to myself several years ago. A few actually.
- I will talk to the boys about sex – in an age appropriate way.
- I won’t shy away from the uncomfortable questions.
- I will make sure they have condoms and know how to use them. Not sure how I’ll teach that one with a straight face but my babies will not create babies until they’re old enough to take care of them.
- I will continue to write about it in ways that share the knowledge I’ve accumulated over the years – because I know if I was still a little lost and confused at age 32, so are other people.
Sex is part of life. I don’t see any reason to act like it isn’t. I don’t believe we’re going to hell for enjoying sex. I don’t think people are deviant or damaged for having sexual preferences that differ from the mainstream. I don’t approve of cheating and lying just to get a sexual fix, but I do believe it’s proof of underlying issues in a relationship instead of pure malice (although that exists, too). I believe sexual compatibility is no less important than other types of compatibility between people.
As I find venues that accept my perspective on sex, I’ll continue to write about it.
Where else will I write about sex? Who knows…there are plenty of opportunities out there.
Why won’t I write about it in this space?
For right now, it’s because I’m still finding my voice. Because my default way to discuss sex is blatant, with no filter. I’m pretty sure that much brutal honesty about sex doesn’t have a place here. I could be wrong.
Until then, know that there’s nothing to be uncomfortable about when it comes to sex and sexuality. As long as everything you do and like involves consenting adults, just have fun and be safe. I have an opinion about sex, education, and sharing our stories. And as I find more places to share my experience (in writing, y’all, get your minds out of the gutter), I’ll share it here, for those who are curious enough to click a link. But I’ll probably leave the sex talk for other venues and the introspective, music-loving, mom stuff for this space.